IT’S FRIDAY, MARCH 27, 2026 In case you don’t think America is great, watch this video from MLB opening day at Oracle Park in San Francisco. The national anthem, a preposterously cool “smoke flag,” fireworks, and a flyover in one of America’s most liberal cities. We’re doing OK. If you’re still not convinced, ask yourself the following question: Is there any other country on Earth where a quadruple amputee could inspire the masses by overcoming adversity to become a professional cornhole athlete and then be credibly accused of shooting a passenger in the car he was driving? Hell no. Oscar Pistorius is a chump compared with this guy. And if you’re still on the fence, just think of all the money that Nancy Pelosi and others are making by betting on the war in Iran. If that doesn’t make you proud to be an American on the eve of our 250th birthday celebration, I don’t know what will. https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!__q0!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3dcb4c51-ab95-4447-ad4b-69682ab83e43_736x500.jpeg TRAUMA IS THE NEW BLACK Abdul El-Sayed, the far-left, terrorist-adjacent Democrat running for U.S. Senate in Michigan, recently boasted about doing “time” after getting arrested for blocking traffic at a protest in 2018. “I put my body on the line and took an arrest,” the candidate said last month. “And I didn’t take the politician’s arrest, where they, like, turn around and drop you off. No, I took the whole arrest. Did my time.” Except he didn’t. According to police records, El-Sayed was taken by van to a detention center in Detroit, where he was issued a citation for disorderly conduct and released. He paid a $200 fine and the charges were dropped. The harrowing tale has been a central component of El-Sayed’s campaign pitch. In January, his former lawyer appeared in a campaign video praising El-Sayed for valiantly refusing her offer to get him a “better deal than the other protesters” because “solidarity … means everything to him.” He’s basically Nelson Mandela. Democrats are bringing back the hardship Olympics in 2026 and beyond. Candidates across the country are asking their own lawyers how to get arrested on camera without suffering real consequences. Because many of the obvious White House hopefuls are white dudes, they’ve started to “lean into their childhood traumas,” per Axios. For Gavin Newsom, it’s dyslexia and a rich absent father who funded his entire career. For Josh Shapiro, it’s what he describes as, “at points, an unhappy childhood home.” For J.B. Pritzker, it’s becoming a billionaire orphan at 17 and combating fatphobia. Pete Buttigieg is (allegedly) gay, but that’s not even considered a hardship these days. Neither is being a relentless nerd. If anything, waiting until your mid-30s to come out is kind of weird. Unfortunately, like every other kid who sat in the front of the class and raised their hand every single time the teacher asked a question, Buttigieg is temperamentally incapable of getting arrested for any reason, so he’ll just have to come up with a better story. Maybe he could suddenly remember the time he worked at McDonald’s over the summer? Eh. No one would believe that, either. El-Sayed, the formerly incarcerated candidate, had a comfortable upbringing in a wealthy Detroit suburb. He still has a significant hardship advantage compared with the white women running against him. One of them, Mallory McMorrow, has discussed the trauma she endured after “becoming famous overnight” thanks to a viral anti-Republican rant. Meanwhile, El-Sayed booked two campaign appearances next month with Hasan Piker, the far-left, terrorist-adjacent influencer who recently returned from a slum safari in Cuba along with Ilhan Omar’s daughter and other anti-American activists. They painted murals, took farming lessons, and ranted about capitalism (and Israel, for some reason). Because the hardship Olympics are a race to the bottom that favors the unhinged, Taylor Lorenz won gold in the poverty tourism event without even setting foot in Cuba. Rather than celebrate the junket junkies for promoting communism, the once-respected journalist scolded them for not wearing face masks in the middle of a pandemic. “Disease is a tool of genocide,” she lectured. “Pop a mask on. Disabled and immunocompromised people do it every day. Be [for real]!” Bless her heart. The heart of a champion. OLYMPIC-LEVEL INCOMPETENCE Another week of stories about Democrats absolutely disgracing themselves as a party. Yes, Trump is unpopular, and Democrats are going to do well in the midterms. Bully for them, but Congress doesn’t actually do much governing—ask anyone who’s been to an airport lately. In the deep-blue states where Democrats are actually in charge and can basically do whatever they want, the results are beyond farcical. California The University of Southern California abruptly canceled a gubernatorial debate following complaints about the lack of diversity among the candidates invited to participate. The non-white Democrats weren’t polling well enough to meet the threshold, and unless some of them drop out, there’s a real chance that the two Republican candidates will advance to a run-off after the open primary election in June. This leaves Democrats with an impossible choice: Ask the minority candidates to drop out and be accused of endorsing white supremacy, or accidentally elect a GOP governor. Good luck to all! The San Francisco public transit system, BART, is a dumpster fire of mismanagement and corruption that requires $400 million in annual subsidies to operate. Officials are threatening to shut down stations and cut back on service unless voters approve new tax hikes in November. Democrats in Los Angeles are getting ready to raise property taxes to address the backlog of streetlights in need of repair due to rampant copper wire theft. NASA announced plans to spend $20 billion over seven years to build a working base on the moon. Meanwhile, in California, the government expects to spend $37 billion to complete a high-speed rail line from Merced (pop. 90,000) to Bakersfield (pop. 419,000) that might—but almost certainly won’t—be operable by 2032, nearly a quarter-century after the project was approved. In a shocking display of tragically belated semi-competence, San Francisco school officials voted to let eighth-graders take algebra again, nearly a decade after scrapping the course in the name of “equity.” The goal was to give minority students more time to master basic math skills before moving on to algebra in high school. Instead, math scores fell across all demographics. The final vote—on reversing the blatantly unsuccessful policy—was 4-3. Illinois Sheridan Gorman, an 18-year-old freshman at Loyola University, was shot and killed last week by an illegal immigrant from Venezuela in an act that some suspect was part of a gang initiation ritual. The suspected killer was caught entering the country and released by the Biden administration in 2023. A month later, he was arrested for shoplifting in Chicago—a sanctuary city that refuses to cooperate with ICE—and then released. Chicago mayor Brandon Johnson called Gorman’s murder a “terrible tragedy” and offered condolences to the victim’s family. He said this—I am not making this up—at an unveiling ceremony for the city’s new “Abolish ICE” snow plow. Chicago residents chose the name as part of a contest. Johnson promised to “double down” on his efforts to protect illegal immigrants from deportation. Gorman’s family accused the mayor of downplaying of the “preventable” killing. I promise I’m not making this up either. The Loyola student newspaper apologized for calling the alleged killer an “illegal immigrant,” saying it did not align with their values. The student journalists also apologized for using the word “immigrant” in the original headline, which now refers to the suspect as a “man.” The text has been updated to describe him as a “Rogers Park resident.” Still not making this up. Chicago Democrats voted to raise their hotel taxes in an effort to attract tourists. The new tax will fund a $50 million marketing campaign to combat the “negative narratives that surround our city,” Johnson said. Chicago will soon boast the highest hotel taxes in the country. Sure, raising taxes might inspire some people to visit Chicago. It might also help to actually do something about “negative narratives,” which aren’t really narratives if they’re true. From the Chicago Tribune this week: “Year’s first ‘teen takeover’ in downtown Chicago sees eight arrests, more curfew discussion.” Or, as the Daily Mail put it: “Nightmarish moment HUNDREDS of lawless teens overrun downtown Chicago on a quiet weeknight, amid reports of stores being looted and innocent pedestrians being maced.” Good luck to all! https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!AXVa!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe7fbaa4b-b0c7-4264-8e37-42c3171df64d_736x500.jpeg THE MOST ANNOYING MAN ON EARTH What follows is a (mercifully abbreviated) transcript of a recent conversation I had with my three-year-old toddler: TODDLER: Who’s that? ME: That’s the man who’s going to fix our internet. TODDLER: The man? ME: Yes. TODDLER: What he’s doing? ME: He’s fixing the internet. TODDLER: He fix the internet? ME: Yes. TODDLER: Why he’s fixing it? ME: Because it’s broken. TODDLER: Why it’s broken? ME: I don’t know, it stopped working. TODDLER: The man he’s fixing it? ME: Yes. TODDLER: Why he’s a man? ME: He just is. TODDLER: Why? This is my personal trauma. It’s why I got so triggered watching Tucker Carlson’s theatrically obnoxious response to a question about whether Israel has a “right to exist” during his recent interview with the Economist. Here is a (mercifully abbreviated) transcript: ECONOMIST: Should [Israel] continue to exist? TUCKER: … So my question to you would be, what does that mean? ECONOMIST: Why don’t you answer my question? It’s a very simple question. TUCKER: I don’t know what your question is. Are you asking does it have a right to exist or do I want it to exist? Do I seek its destruction? … ECONOMIST: So you’re in no sense a Zionist? TUCKER: I don’t even know what that means. Why don’t you define the term and then I’ll tell you whether I am? ECONOMIST: I just defined it. TUCKER: What’s a Zionist? … ECONOMIST: [Does] the political state of Israel [have] the right to continue existing? TUCKER: The right? Where does that right come from? What do you mean? These are, like, I’m not being a lawyer about it, I just want to know what you’re asking me. ECONOMIST: You’re refusing to answer the question. TUCKER: Because I don’t know what you’re asking me. OK, buddy. Just go to your playroom and build a house for your ayatollah doll. https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!uG5y!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7c68f789-97dc-4d75-9ad3-5666bc54a2f6_736x500.jpeg VARIOUS & SUNDRY Meanwhile, in the U.K.: Three years after marrying, Meg Avon and her husband, the West Country waterway officially designated as the River Avon, are still keeping the romance flowing in the bedroom, er, riverbed. Plumbing new depths: If Tucker Carlson is the world’s most annoying person, Jimmy Kimmel is a close second. The late-night host recently joked—if you can call it that—that we have “a plumber protecting us from terrorism now.” He was referring to Markwayne Mullin, the trailblazing Native American (not the fake Liz Warren kind) who was just confirmed as DHS secretary. At 20 years old, Mullin dropped out of college to run his family’s plumbing business when his father got sick. He was good at it; the business succeeded and grew. So, no, unlike the foreign policy geniuses who ran the Obama and Biden administrations, he doesn’t have an Ivy League degree in terrorist negotiation—or any bachelor’s degree. The smug condescension from Kimmel and other pampered elites is nauseating, especially because there are few things that would improve the quality of our elected leaders more than forcing them to work as plumbers for a year. What the f— is this? Yes, the river thing is weird, but Planned Parenthood just posted this on their Instagram account, and I have a lot of questions, but also very little interest in learning more. https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!64Dk!,w_1100,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9bb62574-2df3-44d5-969d-dc15fa68c591_736x432.jpeg PALATE CLEANSER Enjoy this video of Rob Hopkins, a trans-identifying attorney with a background in “Feminist Studies and Chicano/a Studies,” reaping the consequences of they/them’s profoundly obnoxious behavior in an Oklahoma courtroom. You won’t regret watching the whole thing. https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!N_Yy!,w_1100,h_1100,c_pad,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/l_play_button_usfui2,w_144,e_colorize:0/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-video.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fvideo_upload%2Fpost%2F192256646%2Fbae53e60-0f64-458e-8b72-60cc6027d4a0%2Ftranscoded-00001.png HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND X: @AndrewStilesUSA Email: stiles@freebeacon.com If you have friends, tell them to subscribe to the Stiles Section newsletter. Send them here. Thanks for reading the Washington Free Beacon! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support our work. Subscribed Thanks for reading the Washington Free Beacon! Subscribe for free to receive new posts. © 2026 Washington Free Beacon https://www.whiteho